We are now living in a house. We lived in a trailer for the summer as well as September, and after the initial rough first few weeks, I think we did it quite well. Sure it wasn't the most ideal space, but really, we adapted. There was a lot less cleaning. I made a point of going out every morning and I was more than grateful that the summer weather lasted so far into September (and even some of October!). And we became a much cozier family. It truly wasn't as bad as everyone kept telling us it would be.
But due to circumstances that fell upon us, we are no longer living in a 14 foot trailer. Hallelujah. I mean, I know that we were planning on upgrading to a bigger size around the same time that we moved into the house, but come on, how many times can one girl handle whacking her head on a bunk bed made of solid wood? And I mean, I love my baby, but really, three bodies in a bed smaller than a double was really beginning to cramp my style...literally...
It's amazing how God works. Looking back at the short stint, and all of the craziness, the mind boggling turn of events, the wondering, the moments of lack of hope, it makes sense. God is ridiculous. That's what makes sense. God is crazy. And we need to learn how to handle His craziness better. Think I'm nuts for saying what most think? Let me explain...
My husband and I usually know when we are suppose to do something big when we both feel at peace and are in agreement (we have made several decisions where this was not the case and they turned out bad). Moving into our trailer was one of those times. And so we began that journey of selling and giving away all of our stuff and finding a place to move our trailer to. During that time, we weren't always on the same page, because well, lets face it, we're not only human, but we're humans with baggage (and if you think you don't have baggage, think again...but we can talk about that one later...) and we're humans with stubbornness...well maybe me more so than my wonderful hubby. So there were moments of tension and wonderings if this really was what we were suppose to do. We kept moving forward, and when we finally moved to the campground that we wanted to, we were still kind of in a mess. We still had stuff that we didn't want/need. We were disorganized. Ben was working lots. We didn't start out on the "right foot" with the campground managers. It was chaotic. But we did it. And we were figuring it out. And just when we became comfortable and confident that yes, we could do it, and were called to do it, we got kicked out. Yep. That's right. We actually got booted out of the campground. We were told that the campground owner took a drive around the site, decided that he didn't like ours and were given 24 hours notice to leave.
SAY WHAT GOD?!? You have got to be freaking kidding me. We just gave away all of our stuff. We just unpacked and got comfortable. We were just starting to be nice again. And now we have to leave?!
So I am now going to be a bit vulnerable here and say more than I usually do in my posts. This was one of the most stressful times on/in/for our marriage. Remember earlier when I said we all have baggage? Well, that once again became quite evident during the 24 hours that ensued. While Ben usually shares much more about us than I do, I will tell you this: there was absolutely no loving each other in those 24 hours. We didn't want to be near one another. Instead of turning towards one another to figure out what craziness God was up to, we allowed our confusion, our hopelessness, our wonderings, our upset, our lack of faith, to turn us against one another. Blame. Rage. Confusion. Disappointment. Hurt. WHY would God tell us to do this?! We were perfectly fine in our lovely mobile home. Or so we thought...
Back up a bit before summer. We were planning a trip home to visit loved ones, quite a few months before summer came along. We even booked our campsite. But due to finances, it just wasn't working out and we cancelled our trip. That was hard to do. Whenever we talked about our trip I was continually trying to add in "Lord willing" just to make sure that, one, people knew that we were placing our trip in God's hands and it was up to Him if we were to go, and two, to help myself deal better with the disappointment that would arise if we weren't to go. Needless to say, regardless of how many times I told myself "Lord willing" and such, I was still very, very disappointed not be going heading down to see family & friends in the summer.
OK. So now, we needed to move our trailer somewhere new, and quickly too. Thankfully, a close cousin of Ben's is friends with a guy with a large property and we were able to park our stuff on his yard until we could find another solution. We were very grateful for this, because really, we had no place else to go.
After the horrible, chaotic, disastrous 24 hours, Ben was back to work and I was attempting to figure out how I was going to deal with this. My solution was to leave. Yep. And so I did, with my girls of course. I chatted with a friend that morning after our move and decided that I needed to see my friends and family. A good friend where we are lent me her vehicle and I left that afternoon. I didn't even wait for Ben to get home from work. And so I finally driving home to see my friends & family whom I had not seen in over a year.
The trip home was both bitter and sweet. Of course. The time away from Ben was hard, yet needed. And my time with family and friends was needed, and yet at moments, hard.
Unfortunately Ben and I didn't handle any of the situation the best that we could have. Which is why we are so incredibly grateful for God's grace and forgiveness. Looking back we can see how God's craziness turned out for our good. We can see how His craziness led to our own grace and forgiveness for one another and for others. Through our crappyness, God still chose to bless us. We just handled the way He chose to do things very poorly.
Through tangible means we can now see how God's craziness was for our best interest: we didn't have to pay bills for rent, electrical, gas, internet, or a house phone for two months. We were able to afford not only to go home for five weeks, but to also get a new laptop (which I was beginning to get desperate for). We were able to take part in a couple of important events during our trip home that we would have otherwise missed. Through the trip home, some things came to light that probably wouldn't have surfaced if we were still living in that mobile home. We now live in a house that is more to what we have been hoping for in a home, for the same amount we were paying at our mobile home. We have had furniture, that we like more than our previous items, replaced for better prices or even free. Our characters were refined just a little more.
Through what we perceive to be God's craziness and Him being ridiculous, really is His way of blessing us and leading us deeper into relationship with Him, and each other. We may not handle His ridiculous craziness perfectly every time (or any time), but that's where His grace and forgiveness come in. And also where He continues to mold us into the image of Christ.
I guess if it's going to help conform me into Christ's likeness, I'll take His ridiculous craziness any day.
The girls are doing great by the way...they too love the lovely space we now occupy ;-)
|Not the greatest picture, but the Schartners have a backyard now!|